Much ado has been made about the one tax return Mitt Romney has found fit to release to the public, as Democrats quickly made the 13.9% effective rate the Republican presidential candidate paid on $21,000,000 of adjusted gross income in 2010 the symbol of all that is wrong with the current tax regime. As a result, it’s little surprise that Romney has hesitated to release any additional returns, despite mounting pressure to do so.
According to those geniuses over at The Onion, it’s probably in Romney’s best interest to keep those prior returns buried, as their experts believe his prior filings may contain additional damning revelations, such as the following:
- List of residences includes Caribbean property named “Skull Island”
- Used Obama’s $6,500 homebuyer credit for six different houses in 2010
- From 2002 to 2006, official occupation was listed as “masseuse”
- Wrote off $10,000 in aftershave during 2004
- Really shitty handwriting for someone who expects to be elected president
- Years of filings in state of Delaware prove definitively that the candidate himself is a corporation
- In 2009, thanks to clever accounting, the IRS actually paid Romney $25 million in taxes
- Just doesn’t want people to see so many pages of official documents that list his first name as Willard
And while you’re over at The Onion, read this. It’s got nothing to do with taxes, but damn if it isn’t funny.